The Rightness of it Going Wrong

We so want our lives to go right - to start right, continue rightly, and end right. We want it all to just work out, always, as though that's what's meant to happen - the normal order of things - and we can be continually disappointed when it doesn't. Yet the normal order of things is just what we're trying to deny. Our wish for it to be otherwise is thwarted at almost every turn. Things go 'wrong', often drastically; our plans don't work out, we make mistakes when we wanted to succeed, people act differently to the way we wanted them to, our actions have unforeseen and unwanted consequences.... Instead of accepting this as the norm, we're liable to throw up our hands in despair and either yell that life isn't fair or wallow in discouragement because, really, it should have gone right. Obviously, something has gone wrong.

Or has it? Perhaps if we looked at it all with more common sense, we'd realise that it's really okay for this to happen. We'd see that the wrong turnings, the things that don't go the way we'd hoped, will eventually lead right again. At some point, all will be well. Of course, there's deliberate wrongdoing or rebellion against what we know to be correct; but in general, most of our concern comes from trying to get it right or expecting it to go right, and having it go quite differently.

When it happens, we pray desperately (and sometimes forlornly) that our good desires might be granted; that, somehow, God might turn the negative into positive and we might still get sunshine when every indication is of rain. What we forget to pray for is that we might see with new eyes and that our umbrellas will hold up. As a result, when things do begin to go right again; when the result isn't the mere sum of the parts we've been seeing; when what looked like ominous storm clouds has dropped some of its load and moved on, and despite all appearances, the storm has actually cleaned things up and the chill wasn't so awful after all; we're surprised - wasn't it all going haywire? Shouldn't there be chaos? We find sheepishly that our desperation was premature, our fears unnecessary, that the umbrella does work, and the sun hasn't dropped out of the sky.

It's our expectations that really cause us to fear. If we expected - and accepted - the rightness of things not going quite right we would, I'm sure, be better able to take the ensuing difficulties calmly in our stride. We'd be in a better position to benefit from these situations, and ready to hit the ground running when things do come right again. The key thing seems to be not getting sidetracked by the process required to turn things truly right; to expect the good end at the right time, not prematurely.

As Samuel Johnson said:

'Thy mind which Voluntary doubts molest

Asks but its own permission to be blest.'

And:

'There is dignity in the imperfection, and beauty in our foibles and quirks. There's richness in the simple and in the mundane. We discover love still flows despite our mistakes and misfortune. It's expressed even amid confusion, routine, oddness, regrets, in words badly expressed and in attempts to rectify and do better. There it is still. We forge our souls in the midst of all this. We humans have come a long way. And there's a long way to go. And that's just perfect.' 

(Cynthia Hickman, Wellbeing magazine)

By Tamara Hann