We've home-made our Christmas presents since the children were little. One year our daughter, Abby, spent a couple of months jotting down some of the silly/funny/wacky/witty/you-really-had-to-be-there comments made by various members of our family, (whenever she remembered and felt like it), then compiled them into a family quote book for that year.
After typing out the quotes and printing a front and back cover, she used our home binder to make them into A5 size books, complete with clear plastic covers, then gave them as Christmas presents that year.
This was the back cover, below:
I'm sure that we are not the only family who make these silly/wacky/funny/witty/you-had-to-be-there kind of comments.. (are we?) Of course we all forget the things that are said unless someone does write them down. I'ts fun to remember them though... so perhaps you can use this idea too :)
Below is a small selection of the quotes from that year's book ...
(You may not find these funny, but your own version of the Family Quote Book might be hilarious! :)
___________
Abby: Jonny that was my healthy lunch you just ate!
Jonny: I only took a bite – now it’s healthier! :)
Abby (in art class): I just picked this picture (a cute, cartoon skeleton) because I liked it.
Tutor: No, you have to give a deeper interpretation.
Abby: Okay… I picked this picture because it reminds me of my brother (class laughs) cause we’re always visiting him in hospital with the cancer and he broke his neck and back in a car accident…
Class: (long, uncomfortable silence)
Abby: (uncontrollable giggle)
Mum: We’ve just had an explosion here!
Abby: An explosion??!!
Mum: Yes.
Abby: As in… ?
Mum: Bang!
Ben: The battery blew up.
Abby: No way!
Oliver: Yeah we haven’t had an explosion like that since Ben attached his little car thing that he made through wire into the electrical socket!
Mum: He what?!?!
Ben: It’s okay – you already got me in trouble for that one.
Mum: Oh, good! Don’t do it again.
Ben: (wicked grin)
Dad: You hit all the wrong notes.
Abby: (playing viola) No I didn’t!
Dad: Well then I hate the song!
Oliver: (to his identical twin) Ben, you’re really, ridiculously good-looking!
Bethy: I could cook meals for them.. (to help out a family in need)
Oliver: Um.. They’re already sick.
Abby (about Sarah) : She’s my friend!
Jonny: No, she’s my friend!
Okay, we’ll put her in the middle of the room and both call her and see who she goes to.
Ben: Oliver, you’re really ridiculously good-looking!
Bethy (playing the card game Phase 10): So, we have to get 2 sets of 3…won’t everyone run out of 3’s?
Jonny (calling home): Hey Bethy, are mum or dad there?
Bethy: Who’s this?
Jonny: Are you serious? It’s Jonny.
Bethy: Oh – okay, hold on…
(mum answers phone)
Jonny: Hey, can some people come over tonight?
Mum: Who is this?
Jonny: (sigh)
Dad: We’ll sing the first verse of ‘O How Lovely was the Morning’. I know it’s a big choir song, but –
Mum: I’ll take first soprano!
Abby: I’ll do descant!
Mick: I’ll take bass!
Jonny: I’ll take tenor!
Bethy: I’ll take alto!
Ben: I’ll take audience!
Jonny: Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M&M factory? … Because she kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.
Mum: What was wrong with the ‘W’s?
Abby: How do you get ink out of a white skirt?
Tammy: Are you paying me out because I tried white-out that time?
Tammy: Remember that time I tried to suck the air out of that bag of cut onions and I nearly passed out?
Dad: What would the family be like if we only had Mick and Tammy?
Ben: Uhm… well I guess I really wouldn’t know.
Dad: (opening a Christmas present) Honey this is from your mother… oh… we’ve adopted a platypus…
Dad: Honey you need to work on focusing.
Mum: You guys don’t understand, I can focus on lots of things at once!
Tammy: Mum, the definition of ‘focusing’…
Ben: No, Oliver! That was my only ruler you just broke!
Beth: Yeah.. but now you have 2!
Abby: I didn’t get to sleep at all on the flight.
Mum: Yes you did, because you kicked me in your sleep and then you smiled…I think you were asleep!
Abby: Oh yeah that’s right – slept for ages!
Mum: Wait, this road looks familiar! … I think we’ve been lost here already.
Abby: (opening a Christmas present) Yay! More undies!!
Mum: They’re Elle MacPhersons!
Micky: What is it with second hand undies?
Abby: We should do Denise Austin’s 30 minute blockbuster workout!
Jonny: Okay – how long does it take?
Mum: Abby, stop sticking your bottom out – stand up straight.
Abby: I’m not sticking it out.
Mum: Oh...
Micky: I just heard on the radio that in the last year several large asteroids passed very close to earth, and a NASA scientist published his belief that they were flung at earth from a civilisation millions of light years away.
Abby: Haha – and they missed!
Bethy: What’s Al Qaeda?
Mum: You don’t know?
Bethy: Well I mean, I know it’s a place…
Jonny: Learning Korean was awesome - I’m the smart kid! The hardest bit was trying to read the English translations.
Mum: Jessima you have beautiful eyes.
Dad: And lovely teeth.
Mum: And you’re a lovely height.
Oliver: They’re going to eat you.
Jonny: Here’s a sharpener.
Dad: I’ve got one and mine’s better.
Jonny: Mine has Barbie on it, how could yours be better?
Dad: Mine doesn’t have Barbie on it.
Oliver: (beat-boxing)
Abby: Hey you’re almost as good as Jonny at that!
Jonny: How insulting!
Abby: Okay you’re right – Oliver you’re way better than Jonny!
Abby: I’m excited for the houseboat, but we’ll get bored.
Dad: Are you serious?! Swimming, fishing –
Abby: Swimming? Are you serious?! What about crocodiles, haven’t you been to Australia Zoo?
Dad: There are no crocodiles in the Tweed River!
Abby: Really?
Dad: The sharks ate them all.
Ben (at the Pancake Parlour): How freaky would this place be if it were twice as big, and the lights were really dim……and you could hear shuffling…
Abby: I’m so excited about the houseboat! Except I don’t think I’ll swim cause of sharks.
Oliver: I know! We can fish, catch all the sharks and then swim!
Jonny: Except you’ll probably catch the babies and the mum shark will eat you!
Micky: Or catch all the fish and so the sharks are hungry and then eat you.
Abby: Yeah… I’ll watch.
Jonny: Mum - I’m not perfect.
Mum: I know Honey - you get that from your father.
Jonny: Can I have some chocolate?
Dad: Steal your own!
………………(a while later)……………………
Bethy: Where’s my chocolate?
Dad: Jonny is that Bethy’s chocolate?!
Jonny: You said ‘steal your own’!
Jonny: She was aiming for my head!
Mum: It being the biggest target!
Micky: When mediocre results are required, I’m your man!
Dad: Bethy your friends won’t even notice if you’re not there!
Bethy: Of course they will, there are only 2 of them!
Mum: Oh, sorry to keep you waiting – I put some hand cream on and I couldn’t get out the door!
Mum: Bethany you really do need to stop acting dumb.
Bethy: I’m not acting!!
Mum: (hearing the end of a conversation): Who has 2 right feet??
All: Ben!
Ben: Hey! – Mine are left!
Ben (After singing ‘Give Said the Little Stream’ in FHE): I always thought that song said ‘give said the little string!
Oliver: Me too! I couldn’t figure out why it was running down the hill… or why it was a Primary song.
Micky: Sorry Tam I couldn’t hear you – Abby was talking to me and she’s pretty much impossible to ignore.
Tammy: It's ok, Helen Keller couldn’t ignore her!
Abby: Wow, Oliver! – You knew something I didn’t! Quick, go and write it in a little book!
Oli: Uhm, that book is full.
Bethy: Did we get a heap of new bowls recently?
Abby: Uh…we did but ages ago.
Bethy: Well I’ve been meaning to ask that question for a while.
Mum: You know that sort of deal - where they end up throwing in everything including your grandmother?
Tammy: I always wonder where they get those poor women from...
Dad: It's going to rain this Saturday.
James: Really?
Dad: Yep. Because there's a baby shower.
Oliver: How do you sing high?
Tammy: Ahhhh (high note)
Oliver: No, I mean, how can I sing high?
Tammy: You can't, you're a boy.
Oliver: That's not true!
Ben: Man, rejection's the best! We got so much of it on our mini-missions.. I'm going to be set for dating!
Oliver: I knocked on a door and said that we were from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - and then I got stuck on what to say next.. But that was ok because the door was already shut by then.
Bethy: Which writing is the English?
Ben: I'm hot.
Bec: ..... anyway, back to the world of reality...
(Dad, ringing from work)
Mum: Hello?
(pause, then muffled noises, pause again)
Dad: (laughing) Hello! I just picked up the mouse and put it to my ear!
Mum: How did driving with Oliver go?
Bec: Oh, good! We're going to get hats that say, 'Bunny-Hops-R-Us'!
Beth: Oh James, I thought you were a twin!
James: Pfffft, the twins don't look this good!
Ben: Yeah, but look at my sunburn, it's really bad!
Oliver: You think you have it bad, mine's swollen! (pulls up sleeve and flexes bicep)
Jonny: I hate always being good at everything.
Abby: I know how you feel.
Jonny: No you don't .
Tammy: Do historians know where the site of the actual Babylon was?
Dad: Yes, where Iran is now.
Jonny: But do they take into account that it fell? Cos see I'm thinking it's probably down near Saudi Arabia.
Ben: Hey Oli, wouldn't it be cool if we got married on the same day?
Oliver: No, I don't want to have to wait that long!
Ben: I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to pass my drivers' test
Mum: Oh, don't think about all that. Just make sure you get it.
Tammy: This is weird tasting cheese! Oh, it's butter. That'll be it then!
Oliver: Jessima, we used to be friends.
Jessima: We're family. Family aren't friends, family are more than friends. You're stuck with me for eternity! Unless you don't make it.
Mum: And her second husband died?
Abby: Yes, she nursed him to death.
Elder Farnell: You have to give it to a non-member.
Jessima: My dad's a non-member.
Elder Farnell: Awesome!
Bethy: How would you feel if you were a child and your mother was an actress and you saw her wearing...
Mum: Nothing?
Bethy: Yes! And doing...
Mum: Something?
Tammy: I always wonder where they get those poor women from...
Dad: It's going to rain this Saturday.
James: Really?
Dad: Yep. Because there's a baby shower.
Oliver: How do you sing high?
Tammy: Ahhhh (high note)
Oliver: No, I mean, how can I sing high?
Tammy: You can't, you're a boy.
Oliver: That's not true!
Ben: Man, rejection's the best! We got so much of it on our mini-missions.. I'm going to be set for dating!
Oliver: I knocked on a door and said that we were from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - and then I got stuck on what to say next.. But that was ok because the door was already shut by then.
Bethy: Which writing is the English?
Ben: I'm hot.
Bec: ..... anyway, back to the world of reality...
(Dad, ringing from work)
Mum: Hello?
(pause, then muffled noises, pause again)
Dad: (laughing) Hello! I just picked up the mouse and put it to my ear!
Mum: How did driving with Oliver go?
Bec: Oh, good! We're going to get hats that say, 'Bunny-Hops-R-Us'!
Beth: Oh James, I thought you were a twin!
James: Pfffft, the twins don't look this good!
Ben: Yeah, but look at my sunburn, it's really bad!
Oliver: You think you have it bad, mine's swollen! (pulls up sleeve and flexes bicep)
Jonny: I hate always being good at everything.
Abby: I know how you feel.
Jonny: No you don't .
Tammy: Do historians know where the site of the actual Babylon was?
Dad: Yes, where Iran is now.
Jonny: But do they take into account that it fell? Cos see I'm thinking it's probably down near Saudi Arabia.
Ben: Hey Oli, wouldn't it be cool if we got married on the same day?
Oliver: No, I don't want to have to wait that long!
Ben: I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to pass my drivers' test
Mum: Oh, don't think about all that. Just make sure you get it.
Tammy: This is weird tasting cheese! Oh, it's butter. That'll be it then!
Oliver: Jessima, we used to be friends.
Jessima: We're family. Family aren't friends, family are more than friends. You're stuck with me for eternity! Unless you don't make it.
Mum: And her second husband died?
Abby: Yes, she nursed him to death.
Elder Farnell: You have to give it to a non-member.
Jessima: My dad's a non-member.
Elder Farnell: Awesome!
Bethy: How would you feel if you were a child and your mother was an actress and you saw her wearing...
Mum: Nothing?
Bethy: Yes! And doing...
Mum: Something?
Abby: Remember that ‘M.A.T.C.H’ game? – you’re gonna live in an attic, drive a skateboard, marry Brad Pitt and have 37½ children!
Oliver: Gee, I’d hate to be the half!
Jonny: What are you talking about - you are the half!!
Tammy: Oh Bethy, you're from another planet. That's what I love about you.
Jillina: Do you still have a mirror in your dining room?
Tammy: Yes.
Jillina: Does Abby still sit opposite it?
Jason: Would that 24hr shop still be open?
Tammy: Oh Bethy, you're from another planet. That's what I love about you.
Jillina: Do you still have a mirror in your dining room?
Tammy: Yes.
Jillina: Does Abby still sit opposite it?
Jason: Would that 24hr shop still be open?
(halfway through mum’s FHE activity)
Jonny: Oh! Can we play a game??
Mum: We are playing a game!
Jonny: Oh… I mean… a fun one!
Mum: sigh
Mum: sigh
___________
Ok, you may not get them all, but to us they are funny -
and that's the point really, that our family enjoys having this!
Bethy put out a second edition a few years later...
We had three more people in the family by then :)
By Sandy Munro
That's AWESOME!!! I write little things like this in our family newsletter.. I think I’m inspired to compile them into a booklet... Thank you.. I love the funnyizzims that families / familiarities create... they are GREAT!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading all those funny comments, I'll be a fan of the Munro Sitcom if it ever came out.
ReplyDelete