The Rightness of it Going Wrong

We so want our lives to go right - to start right, continue rightly, and end right. We want it all to just work out, always, as though that's what's meant to happen - the normal order of things - and we can be continually disappointed when it doesn't. Yet the normal order of things is just what we're trying to deny. Our wish for it to be otherwise is thwarted at almost every turn. Things go 'wrong', often drastically; our plans don't work out, we make mistakes when we wanted to succeed, people act differently to the way we wanted them to, our actions have unforeseen and unwanted consequences.... Instead of accepting this as the norm, we're liable to throw up our hands in despair and either yell that life isn't fair or wallow in discouragement because, really, it should have gone right. Obviously, something has gone wrong.

Or has it? Perhaps if we looked at it all with more common sense, we'd realise that it's really okay for this to happen. We'd see that the wrong turnings, the things that don't go the way we'd hoped, will eventually lead right again. At some point, all will be well. Of course, there's deliberate wrongdoing or rebellion against what we know to be correct; but in general, most of our concern comes from trying to get it right or expecting it to go right, and having it go quite differently.

When it happens, we pray desperately (and sometimes forlornly) that our good desires might be granted; that, somehow, God might turn the negative into positive and we might still get sunshine when every indication is of rain. What we forget to pray for is that we might see with new eyes and that our umbrellas will hold up. As a result, when things do begin to go right again; when the result isn't the mere sum of the parts we've been seeing; when what looked like ominous storm clouds has dropped some of its load and moved on, and despite all appearances, the storm has actually cleaned things up and the chill wasn't so awful after all; we're surprised - wasn't it all going haywire? Shouldn't there be chaos? We find sheepishly that our desperation was premature, our fears unnecessary, that the umbrella does work, and the sun hasn't dropped out of the sky.

It's our expectations that really cause us to fear. If we expected - and accepted - the rightness of things not going quite right we would, I'm sure, be better able to take the ensuing difficulties calmly in our stride. We'd be in a better position to benefit from these situations, and ready to hit the ground running when things do come right again. The key thing seems to be not getting sidetracked by the process required to turn things truly right; to expect the good end at the right time, not prematurely.

As Samuel Johnson said:

'Thy mind which Voluntary doubts molest

Asks but its own permission to be blest.'

And:

'There is dignity in the imperfection, and beauty in our foibles and quirks. There's richness in the simple and in the mundane. We discover love still flows despite our mistakes and misfortune. It's expressed even amid confusion, routine, oddness, regrets, in words badly expressed and in attempts to rectify and do better. There it is still. We forge our souls in the midst of all this. We humans have come a long way. And there's a long way to go. And that's just perfect.' 

(Cynthia Hickman, Wellbeing magazine)

By Tamara Hann

Things I’ve Learnt

Several years ago, someone suggested doing this activity: At the top of a page, write "I've learnt that..." and then list some of the truths you've learnt recently. Make them simple, brief and don't try to write them particularly wonderfully; but make sure they are really true for you. They don't have to apply to anyone else. Don’t try to make them sound profound and lovely-sounding. Write them reasonably quickly, without thinking too hard about it. Some may be silly and light-hearted, some may be profound. When you read back through them, or even as you write them, you'll be surprised at some of the things you really have learnt, and some things will solidify themselves into actual truths that you hadn't put into words until now.

I do it every so often, because it helps me to reflect, and to see that I have actually learnt a few things through the glut of days that the recent past often appears to be. Here are a few from my lists:

I've learnt that...

... God loves me, that He watches over me, and that He answers my prayers.

... of all things and people on earth, my family is most important to me.

... it is through adversity that we find our greatest strength.

… life takes time.

...wishes and dreams will remain just that, unless I act on them.

...you can't plan everything, so you have to learn to take events as they come.

...I really don't know very much, and I seem to keep making a lot of the same mistakes I've always made.

… my first impressions of people are usually wrong.

… patience is about the hardest virtue to assume.

... in the end, I have to make my own decisions.

... a clean, tidy room is much nicer to live in than a dirty, messy one, but I don't like tidying it.

... I will always feel inadequate when I compare myself to other people.

... things seem a lot easier when you're lying in bed thinking about doing them than they do the next day.

...I grow the most when things are difficult.

... some things shouldn't be analysed.

...it is more important for me to come to love and understand others than it is to spend my energy trying to make sure they understand me.

...it is not so much what we are given, but what we do with it that counts.

...a genuine friend is worth more than many acquaintances.

... just the act of setting a goal contains great power in itself.

... sometimes, God takes away so that He can give us more in its place.

... I like being an auntie.

... I really dislike dry weather.

... when I put my mind to it, I'm capable of more than I realise.

... the best and deepest learning comes little by little.

... daily life requires courage.

... I shouldn't try to change my brother's mind.

... all good teaching requires great involvement.

... it feels a lot better to take control of a situation than to allow circumstances to control you.

... God doesn't punish or condemn us for our weaknesses, but we punish ourselves by hanging onto them, when He bids us let go.

By Tamara Hann