How Does The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints Serve The Poor?

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are 'to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church or in any other, or in no church at all, wherever he finds them.' (link)

In speaking of its charitable aid programs, the Church strives for balance, to both, 'do not your alms before men, to be seen of them' and, 'let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven'.  Even members of the Church frequently have little idea of the scope of the Church's humanitarian activities worldwide.

Humanitarian Services is just one of several welfare arms of the Church.  Since the Church began keeping track in 1985, more than $1.4 billion in cash and material assistance (to 2011) has been donated through this program, to over 178 different countries in need of humanitarian aid. 

The following video gives a brief overview of the Church's Humanitarian Aid program:

(Further videos on Church humanitarian aid efforts are available here - recommended.)

Where does the money come from to support Church humanitarian aid programs?

One hundred percent of the donations given to the Church’s humanitarian services are used for relief efforts. The Church absorbs its own overhead costs.  A portion of our tithing donations are also disbursed directly to humanitarian and welfare efforts. (link)

Do Mormons only help Mormons?

The Church's humanitarian program serves mostly those outside the Mormon faith - all those who face disasters or acute needs throughout the world. Additionally, more than 11,925 welfare and humanitarian missionaries volunteer their time and money to administer this aid every day. During times of disaster, Church facilities such as Church buildings are used as places of refuge, and local Church members assist humanitarian missionaries and the currently more than 80,000 proselytizing missionaries in providing immediate relief.

What are some these humanitarian aid projects?

Emergency Response: the Church has partnered in more than 200 major disaster assistance efforts, including the 2011 Japan earthquake and tsunami, the 2010 Haiti earthquake, the 2010 Chile earthquake, the 2010 Pakistan flooding, the 2009 Samoa tsunami, the 2009 Philippines typhoon, the 2009 Indonesia earthquake, the 2008 Ethiopia famine and many others. 

Neonatal resuscitation training: providing resuscitation training and equipment to health practitioners and organizations each year in countries with high infant mortality rates.

Clean water projects: working with local community leaders to provide access to clean water with wells and other water systems in countries where such access is unavailable.

Food production and nutrition initiatives: providing training to families and communities to increase productivity and self-sufficiency with home food production and nutrition training.

Wheelchair distribution: working in partnership with local organizations to provide wheelchairs to the disabled.

Vision treatment: providing equipment and training to local, qualified medical personnel to perform eye surgeries and prevent blindness.

Childhood immunizations: partnering with nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) to provide immunizations and vaccinations for measles, whooping cough and other conditions.

Atmit: food supplement to help those who are malnourished.


800,000 Christian refugees have fled their homes this month in Iraq. Is the Church doing anything to help these refugees?
(link)



Humanitarian Aid Related Links

Humanitarian Aid
Humanitarian Services
Humanitarian Aid and Welfare Services Basics: How Donations and Resources Are Used
Mormon Representatives Discuss Church Humanitarian Efforts at the United Nations

LDS Charities
LDS Philanthropies

By Sandy Munro

What Is The Position Of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints On Same-Sex Marriage?

The Vital Importance Of Marriage.

In 1995, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," which declares the following:

'We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. . . .

'The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.'  (See link here.)


Position Of The Church

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.

“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families” (See link here.)

Will the Position Of The Church Change On This Matter?

'On the question of same-sex marriage, the Church has been consistent in its support of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with kindness and understanding. If it is being suggested that the Church’s doctrine on this matter is changing, that is incorrect.

'Marriage between a man and a woman is central to God’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. As such, traditional marriage is a foundational doctrine and cannot change.' (See link here.)

'..some news reports have given the impression that the Church has changed its stance on same-sex attraction. We caution (all) to remember that the Church’s position on the issue of same-sex attraction has not changed. The Church’s doctrinal position is clear and unchanging: Sexual activity should occur only between a man and a woman who are married. The Church teaches that same-sex attraction is not a sin, but acting on it is.'  (See link here.)

'Because the issue of same-sex marriage strikes at the very heart of the family and has the potential for great impact upon the welfare of children, the Church unequivocally affirms that marriage should remain the lawful union of a man and a woman.' (See link here.)

Civility And Kindness

'The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to love and treat all people with kindness and civility—even when we disagree.'  (See link here.)

'As Church members strive to protect marriage between a man and a woman, they should show respect, civility, and kindness toward others who have different points of view.

'The Church has advocated for legal protection for same-sex couples regarding “hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.” In Salt Lake City, for example, the Church supported ordinances to protect gay residents from discrimination in housing and employment.

'The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.” Church members are to treat all people with love and humanity. They may express genuine love and kindness toward a gay or lesbian family member, friend, or other person without condoning any redefinition of marriage.'  (See link here.)

'Consistent with our fundamental beliefs, ..the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages. Nevertheless, all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises so long as they respect our standards of conduct while there.' (See link here.)

Additional Resources

Homage to the Home: Why Society Needs Strong Families

Church Instructs Leaders on Same-Sex Marriage
What is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' attitude regarding homosexuality and same sex marriage?

Same-Sex Marriage

The Divine Institution Of Marriage

By Sandy Munro

'The Price That I Paid To See This View'

It's our testimony, as members of the Church, that God loves us.

Elder Orson F. Whitney taught that: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.” 

I think you'll love this beautiful musical video, in which Hilary Weeks sings of taking 'the rain with the sunshine'..

The two sisters featured in the video are Stephanie Nielson and Mariama Kallon.  (Click on their names to read their stories.)  Stephanie was badly burned in a terrible accident, and Mariama lost her family in the tragic war in Sierra Leone.  Both have found the strength to be happy again.

The Monument

God, before he sent his children into the world, 

Gave each of them a carefully selected package of problems.

"These, He promised smiling, are yours alone.

"Only you have the special talents and abilities that will make these problems your servants, 

And no one else may have the blessing these problems will bring you.

"So, go down to your birth, and to your forgetting.

"Know that I love you beyond measure.

"The problems I give you are a token of my love.

"The monument you make of your life, with the help of your problems, 

Will be a token of your love for me."

Your Father

- Blaine M. Yorgason

By Sandy Munro

List of Children's Picture Book Classics

Studies show that fluency in reading is a major key to success in life.  Picture books introduce children to a love of reading.

Picture books are important because...

They introduce the concept of reading...  and of writing...

They introduce children to the world of art...

They encourage conversation and interaction...

They help children to discover themselves and the world...

They help to increase vocabulary, comprehension, and listening and speaking skills...

They stimulate imagination and foster curiosity...

They help to develop reasoning and visual literacy...

They teach that books and reading are enjoyable and fun...

Reading to a child increases intimacy, builds trust and strengthens emotional well-being.

This list of children's picture book classics includes books that have continued popular over time, and that regularly appear on 'best of' lists.  You can click on each of the following book titles for a review.  Or click on the highlighted author's names to see their other books.  (Note - if you are taken to the Goodreads site, scroll down the page to read reviews from hundreds of readers.)

  

If you like to buy books, my favourite site is here.  It's cheaper than most and has free postage. Alternatively, check out the semi-annual Brisbane Lifeline Book-fest for some second-hand bargain buys.

You don't need to buy these books to enjoy most of them. You can access sites to hear books being read aloud here and here.  Or go to YouTube here, and type in the title of the book you'd like to hear read aloud.

LIST OF CHILDREN'S PICTURE BOOK CLASSICS

'Press Here'  by Herve Tullet

'We're Going on a Bear Hunt'  by Michael Rosen       

'Pat the Bunny'    by Dorothy Kunhardt   
'Where the Wild Things Are'  by Maurice Sendak
'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'  by Eric Carle
'Guess How Much I Love You'  by Sam McBratney
'The Wonkey Donkey'  by Craig Smith, Katz Cowley

'The Rainbow Fish'  by Marcus Pfister 

'Are You My Mother?'  by P. D. Eastman 

'The Cat in the Hat'  by Dr. Seuss (almost all Dr. Seuss books)

'The Story of Ferdinand'  by Munro Leaf 

'A Bear Called Paddington'  by Michael Bond 

'Dear Zoo'  by Rod Campbell 

'The Gruffalo'   by  Julia Donaldson  

'Goodnight Moon'  by Margaret Wise Brown 

'Harry the Dirty Dog'  by Gene Zion     -    

'Russell the Sheep' by Rob Scotton

'Goodnight Moon'  by Margaret Wise Brown

'The Little Engine That Could'   by Watty Piper  

'Olivia'  by Ian Falconer    

'A Sick Day for Amos McGee'  by Philip C. Stead       

'Fancy Nancy'  by Jan O'Connor

'The Monster at the End of This Book'  by Jon Stone, Michael J. Smollin
'Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!'  by Mo Willems
'Pearl Barley and Charlie Parsley'  by Aaron Blabey
'Madeline'  by Ludwig Bemeomans
'The Giving Tree'  by Shel Silverstein
'The Polar Express'   by Chris Van Allsburg  
'Corduroy'  by Don Freeman

'The Kissing Hand'  by Audrey Penn,
'Harold and the Purple Crayon'  by Crockett Johnson   
'Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs'  by Judi Barrett       
'Animalia'  by Graeme Base
'The Complete Adventures of Peter Rabbit'  by Beatrix Potter

'Hairy Maclary from Donaldson's Dairy'  by Lynley Dodd   

'The Velveteen Rabbit'  by Margery Williams

'Love You Forever'  by Robert Munsch

'Stellaluna'  by Janell Cannon

'Curious George'  by H.A. Rey

'Owl Moon'  by Jane Yolen

'The Little House'  by Virginia Lee Burton

'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie'  by Laura Joffe Numeroff    

'Make Way for Ducklings'  by Robert McCloskey

'Each Peach Pear Plum'  by Janet and Allan Ahlgerg

'Chicka Chicka, Boom Boom'  by Bill Martin Jr.

'Stone Soup'  by Marilyn Sapienza

'Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day'  by Judith Viorst

'Barnyard Dance'  by Sandra Boynton

'The Giving Tree' by Shel Silverstein

'The Tiger Who Came To Tea'  by Judith Kerr

'There Was An Old Woman Who Swallowed A Fly'  by Pam Adams

'Where Is Baby's Belly Button?'  by Karen Katz

'Oh The Places You'll Go'  by D.r Seuss

(A good Nursery Rhyme book.)

(A good Fairy Tale book.)

(Some of my favourites from the list above are, 'Press Here', 'Pat the Bunny', 'Are You My Mother', 'We're Going On a Bear Hunt', 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie', and 'Where the Wild Things Are'.)  Of course, many of the books we love are not necessarily classics.  These are a few other picture books that our family enjoy...

'Isabella's Secret'  by Jane Tanner 

'I Love It When You Smile'  by Sam McBratney
'Diary of a Wombat' by Jackie French
'Room on the Broom'  by Julia Donaldson

'Fancy Nancy'  by  Jane O'Connor    

'Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge'  by Mem Fox,
'Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!'  by Mo Willems
'The Dot'  by Peter H. Reynolds
'Pearl Barley and Charlie Parsley'  by Aaron Blabey
'The Wonky Donkey'  by Craig Smith

What are your favourite children's picture books? 

By Sandy Munro

What My Children Have Taught Me About Love

When this topic originally came to me, I wasn’t sure what I was going to write. I’m not even sure where it came from, it just felt right. So here goes.

I’m a mum of three daughters. My eldest came along quite soon after my husband and I were married. My pregnancy was pretty normal apart from having whooping cough for the first 5 or so months. Her delivery was induced, but again, normal. She came into this world a sleepy little princess, with ten fingers and ten toes and weighing nearly 4kg (9lb). We adored her from the minute they laid her on our chest and her eyes immediately focussed on mine.

I had dreamed of becoming a mother since I was a little girl, but the reality was quite different. Suddenly I had a tiny person who relied on me for everything. She couldn’t tell me if she was hungry, tired, thirsty, wet, dirty or scared. I had no idea how to tell if she was in pain or just wanted to be cuddled. I had read about maternal instinct but it just didn’t seem to be something I had.

The first thing I learned from my eldest daughter was to slow down. I’ve never been one for spending a lot of time on chores, but she needed all of me. All the time. It took a lot of effort not to feel guilty about still being in my pyjamas when my husband got home from work, but he understood what I did not: that being a mother is a full-time job, and some days you just don’t get to do anything for yourself.

The second thing I learned from my eldest daughter was patience. Sometimes you try everything to get the baby to stop crying and nothing works. You just have to deal with that and be patient. You can’t stop the baby crying by trying to reason with them, by shouting at them, or by crying. Sometimes the crying means you feel a bit better, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing, and sometimes you just have to put the crying baby down where they’re safe for a few minutes so you can get yourself back together. That’s OK too. I was not very patient before I had children, but it’s definitely something I’ve learned on the job!

The third thing I learned was that you can’t plan for everything, and it’s OK to freak out when your plans change suddenly. That is one I learned from my second daughter, with whom I fell pregnant when my eldest was five months old. Yep, I’m one of *those* mothers. The ones who make it look easy without even trying. Inside I was terrified. I mean, I was going to have another baby and I hadn’t even gotten the hang of taking care of my first one yet!

The fourth thing I learned was from my second daughter, and it’s that just because you had it easy the first time around, don’t expect it’ll be the same the second time around. Plans change.  My second princess had quite the entrance into the world. They told us that she’d be blue from oxygen deprivation, amongst other things. They underestimated her. Upon her entry into the world she took a deep break and shrieked like a banshee. That’s my girl! She didn’t stop shrieking for about three months! My first daughter was so laid back and calm, and here was Cyclone Olivia unleashed on our family!

The fifth thing I learned from my children is that it’s OK not to cope, and to accept help where it is offered. Family and friends rallied around and helped us out when we had our second child. A friend came by to cook dinner one night, other friends visited often, the grandparents took the eldest for plays at the park, and my mothers’ group friends were happy to entertain my eldest at outings (and stop her from dashing away on the feet she finally used to walk just two weeks after her sister was born). I’ve never been good at either asking for help or accepting it when it is offered, but I certainly got good at it when I had my second child.

The sixth thing I learned from my children, is that little bumps in the road happen. You know how I said I learned that plans change? Yeah I wasn’t done learning that. We thought our little family was complete. We had two gorgeous daughters who were about to turn three and two. Then we discovered we were going to have a new addition to the family. It would have been an exciting time for us if I had not been so sick. Once again I was accepting help from others, trying not to feel guilty about not having gotten out of my pyjamas all day and pretty much just trying to survive with two toddlers and hyperemesis.

My third daughter was a textbook delivery. She was the healing birth I had hoped for. She took away a great deal of the pain we suffered when our second daughter was born, and she completed our family.

The seventh thing I learned from my children? Unconditional love is easy. My older daughters dote on their younger sister. The accept her for who she is and don’t expect any more from her than she’s able to give. Why do I think this is a miracle? My daughter has Autism. She’s not your “typical” child. She sees the world differently than others and everyday things that a lot of us take for granted are difficult for her. On top of that she’s inherited my stubbornness. In some ways that’s a good thing, but in others it’s definitely a spanner in the works.

The eighth thing I learned from my children is that sometimes you just have to sit around and snuggle. I learned this from my youngest. She is most secure when she is on my lap or in my arms or tucked up in bed with me. I had to learn to let go of a lot of the household chores because often I’d spend an afternoon with my daughter on my lap cuddling. The smallest scrape on her knee feels like a thousand knives slicing into her. A slight routine change without telling her first means a meltdown that can sometimes last for hours. I say this not to ask for pity or sympathy, but because I want you to understand that life isn’t always easy. Sometimes she just wants to sit on my lap and cuddle into me because she missed me at school. And sometimes there’s no reason she can articulate. I don’t mind, really, my older two were never really snugglers. They found their feet and off they went to be independent.

The ninth thing I learned from my children is that their independence is necessary, even if it can throw a spanner in the works sometimes. My older two children are headstrong, smart, and above all, independent. Oh they sometimes try to pass things off as “I can’t do it” in order to get their parents to do it for them, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Their self esteem and sense of worth are greatly increased by doing things for themselves and others. I often have people say to me “wow your girls are so capable, mine could never do that”. My kids weren’t born independent, it’s something I had to teach them. It started with little things like making sure they dressed themselves and got shoes on to leave the house. Then when they started kindergarten it was as simple as them carrying their own bag and unpacking anything that needed to be unpacked or at the end of the day packing and then carrying their own bag back out again. In school they were responsible for their own belongings and for getting themselves ready in the morning. Of an afternoon it’s up to them to make sure they have all they need including their hat, drink bottle, homework and any notes for me. Yes they forget stuff sometimes, but that’s part of learning. How would my children have learned to be independent if I did all this for them? Not only would it be counterproductive, but I’d be robbing them of a golden opportunity to learn. I couldn’t do that. Yes my five-year-old’s backpack is nearly as big as she is, but she wears it with pride, knowing she packed it herself that morning and secure in the knowledge that everything she needs is contained within.

The tenth thing I learned from my children is that time as a family is something that cannot be beat. I love spending time as a family even if it’s just lying in the family bed telling knock knock jokes. We’re quite busy and we don’t spend nearly as much time all in the once place as I’d like, but that just means I treasure our time together even more. I hold impromptu dance parties in the kitchen while making school lunches, we lie around on my bed telling jokes or making up stories. We jump and jive our way through the aisles of the supermarket (with my nine-year-old trying to distance herself from the rest of us because “mummy you’re embarrassing!”). We pull weeds from between the pavers, we pile me and three kids into the hammock together while daddy cooks dinner on the BBQ. We applaud as one or other of the kids does “tricks” on the trampoline. We sit around and giggle while we make tacos and snort and laugh as we bite into them and the filling all falls out. We love each other fiercely and we are not ashamed of that.

So, what did I learn from my kids? Slow down, be patient, don’t try to plan everything, plans change, accept help, plans really do change, unconditional love is easy, cuddles are awesome, independence is necessary, and family time is the best.

My family may not be how I imagined it while growing up (I definitely imagined being the mother of a few boys as well as girls) but it’s everything I always wanted, and it’s teaching me daily to be a better person.

By Sandra Mansell

The Secret To Being A Good Mother?

http://suzysvintageattic.blogspot.com.au

Almost every mother wants to do a great job.  It would be great if there was a manual or training course that covered it all!   Mothers read parenting books, attend parenting workshops, and try their best every day - and regularly feel as though they are failing!   We might even feel like we are doing a terrible job some days.  (Even some weeks, and sometimes some years! :)

What makes a great mother?  Having everything home-cooked?  Staying slim and gorgeous?  Keeping the home immaculate?  Having the home messy and relaxed?  Lots of laughter?  Lots of teaching?  Slaphappy?  Always busy? Talkative?  Reserved?  Not too strict?  Not too lenient?   ...

The truth is that we are all so very different.  A great Mum could be any or none of the above.  There is only one quality that perhaps all great mothers share, and it's this:  They care.  They love you more than they love themselves.  They care enough and love you enough to do their best every day and to never give up on you or on themselves.  

A good mother may even make lots of mistakes - but not because she doesn't care or isn't trying hard enough, but just because she gets it wrong sometimes.  She will apologize to her children for the mistakes she makes, and might explain to them that she'll probably make more mistakes - as hard as she's trying not to.  

And that will be probably be ok, because her children will be able to see and feel and believe that she loves, and cares, and believes in them, and always will.   A good mother isn't necessarily perfect, but her love almost is.

I find that enormously comforting!   The thought that a good mother is simply one who truly cares.

By Sandy Munro

Climbing Mountains

When I was about 15 years old, our school grade travelled up from Adelaide for a week's stay in the South Australian, Flinders Ranges. The highlight of our week was to be a climb to the top of the highest point in the Ranges, St. Mary's Peak.

I was worried leading up to the day we were to make the climb.  I was very skinny back then, and not particularly strong.  I was afraid that I might embarrass myself in front of all the other students by being too weak to make it to the top of the mountain.  

The teachers took us to a hill near our camp on the day before the climb, as a kind of practice.  I remember making it only part of the way up before I sat down, puffing, exhausted, and feeling pretty hopeless about my prospects.

The next day, the climb up St. Mary's began with a gentle walk for the first few kilometres.  We were in single file, and I was already struggling.  I was about two thirds of the way back in the line of students and teachers; it was looking as if I would not get very far.  Not wanting to fail so badly, I put on a big burst of strength in order to pass all of the people in front of me, until I reached the front of the line.  

Eventually, of over 350 people, I was one of only nine to reach the top of the mountain, and was the only girl or woman to get there.

It was good to stand on the peak and spend some moments enjoying the view.  It was wonderful to know that I had achieved the goal, and had not dropped out along the way.  Surprising that so many had.  More than that though, I learned a lesson that has helped me out many times since.

ramblingsdc.ne

Being at the front of the line made all the difference to me.  Why?  It just seemed easier when I could see the goal ahead clearly.  I also wasn't travelling back in a pack of people who weren't as committed to completing the climb.  Most of all, by expecting more of myself, (as a trailblazer at the front of the line), it actually became easier to succeed than it would have been to fail.

I was reminded of this experience some years later, when I read a story called, 'The Five Dollar Lawn', as retold by Bishop Vaughn J. Featherstone in Conference, 1973.  (You can read the story here.)

I love that story.  It underlines the thought that we should expect more from ourselves - should sometimes expect the impossible, if we hope to succeed at the really difficult tasks; that failure comes from setting our sights too low instead of from aiming too high.

A Sunday School class member questioned whether aiming for perfection is just too daunting for some.  I think that not aiming for perfection is much more so. We are children of God, and eventual perfection is our true and natural endowment - we're not going to feel truly happy with anything less - and I think that that's a more daunting thought!

In all sorts of applications, I believe that we generally need to expect more of ourselves, not less.




By Sandy Munro

Home-made Present Idea - Family Quote Book

We've home-made our Christmas presents since the children were little.  One year our daughter, Abby, spent a couple of months jotting down some of the silly/funny/wacky/witty/you-really-had-to-be-there comments made by various members of our family, (whenever she remembered and felt like it), then compiled them into a family quote book for that year.  

After typing out the quotes and printing a front and back cover, she used our home binder to make them into A5 size books, complete with clear plastic covers, then gave them as Christmas presents that year.

This was the back cover, below:

  

I'm sure that we are not the only family who make these silly/wacky/funny/witty/you-had-to-be-there kind of comments..   (are we?)  Of course we all forget the things that are said unless someone does write them down. I'ts fun to remember them though... so perhaps you can use this idea too :)

Below is a small selection of the quotes from that year's book ...

(You may not find these funny, but your own version of the Family Quote Book might be hilarious! :)

___________

Abby: Jonny that was my healthy lunch you just ate!

Jonny: I only took a bite – now it’s healthier! :)

Abby (in art class): I just picked this picture (a cute, cartoon skeleton) because I liked it.

Tutor: No, you have to give a deeper interpretation.

Abby: Okay…  I picked this picture because it reminds me of my brother (class laughs) cause we’re always visiting him in hospital with the cancer and he broke his neck and back in a car accident…

Class: (long, uncomfortable silence)

Abby: (uncontrollable giggle)

Mum: We’ve just had an explosion here!

Abby: An explosion??!!

Mum: Yes.

Abby: As in… ?

Mum: Bang!

Ben: The battery blew up.

Abby: No way!

Oliver: Yeah we haven’t had an explosion like that since Ben attached his little car thing that he made through wire into the electrical socket!

Mum: He what?!?!

Ben: It’s okay – you already got me in trouble for that one.

Mum: Oh, good! Don’t do it again.

Ben: (wicked grin)

Dad: You hit all the wrong notes.

Abby: (playing viola) No I didn’t!

Dad: Well then I hate the song!

Oliver: (to his identical twin) Ben, you’re really, ridiculously good-looking!

Bethy: I could cook meals for them..  (to help out a family in need)

Oliver: Um..  They’re already sick.

Abby (about Sarah) : She’s my friend!

Jonny: No, she’s my friend!

Okay, we’ll put her in the middle of the room and both call her and see who she goes to.

Ben: Oliver, you’re really ridiculously good-looking!

Bethy (playing the card game Phase 10):  So, we have to get 2 sets of 3…won’t everyone run out of 3’s?

Jonny (calling home): Hey Bethy, are mum or dad there?

Bethy: Who’s this?

Jonny: Are you serious? It’s Jonny.

Bethy: Oh – okay, hold on…

(mum answers phone)

Jonny: Hey, can some people come over tonight?

Mum: Who is this?

Jonny: (sigh)

Dad: We’ll sing the first verse of ‘O How Lovely was the Morning’. I know it’s a big choir song, but –

Mum: I’ll take first soprano!

Abby: I’ll do descant!

Mick: I’ll take bass!

Jonny: I’ll take tenor!

Bethy: I’ll take alto!

Ben: I’ll take audience!

Jonny: Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M&M factory? … Because she kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.

Mum: What was wrong with the ‘W’s?

Abby: How do you get ink out of a white skirt?

Tammy: Are you paying me out because I tried white-out that time?

Tammy: Remember that time I tried to suck the air out of that bag of cut onions and I nearly passed out?

Dad: What would the family be like if we only had Mick and Tammy?

Ben: Uhm… well I guess I really wouldn’t know.

Dad: (opening a Christmas present) Honey this is from your mother… oh… we’ve adopted a platypus…

Dad: Honey you need to work on focusing.

Mum: You guys don’t understand, I can focus on lots of things at once!

Tammy: Mum, the definition of ‘focusing’…

Ben: No, Oliver! That was my only ruler you just broke!

Beth: Yeah.. but now you have 2!

Abby: I didn’t get to sleep at all on the flight.

Mum: Yes you did, because you kicked me in your sleep and then you smiled…I think you were asleep!

Abby: Oh yeah that’s right – slept for ages!

Mum: Wait, this road looks familiar! … I think we’ve been lost here already.

Abby: (opening a Christmas present) Yay! More undies!!

Mum: They’re Elle MacPhersons!

Micky: What is it with second hand undies?

Abby: We should do Denise Austin’s 30 minute blockbuster workout!

Jonny: Okay – how long does it take?

Mum: Abby, stop sticking your bottom out – stand up straight.

Abby: I’m not sticking it out.

Mum: Oh...

Micky: I just heard on the radio that in the last year several large asteroids passed very close to earth, and a NASA scientist published his belief that they were flung at earth from a civilisation millions of light years away.

Abby: Haha – and they missed!

Bethy: What’s Al Qaeda?

Mum: You don’t know?

Bethy: Well I mean, I know it’s a place…

Jonny: Learning Korean was awesome - I’m the smart kid! The hardest bit was trying to read the English translations.

Mum: Jessima you have beautiful eyes.

Dad: And lovely teeth.

Mum: And you’re a lovely height.

Oliver: They’re going to eat you.

Jonny: Here’s a sharpener.

Dad: I’ve got one and mine’s better.

Jonny: Mine has Barbie on it, how could yours be better?

Dad: Mine doesn’t have Barbie on it.

Oliver: (beat-boxing)

Abby: Hey you’re almost as good as Jonny at that!

Jonny: How insulting!

Abby: Okay you’re right – Oliver you’re way better than Jonny!

Abby: I’m excited for the houseboat, but we’ll get bored.

Dad: Are you serious?! Swimming, fishing –

Abby: Swimming? Are you serious?! What about crocodiles, haven’t you been to Australia Zoo?

Dad: There are no crocodiles in the Tweed River!

Abby: Really?

Dad: The sharks ate them all.

Ben (at the Pancake Parlour): How freaky would this place be if it were twice as big, and the lights were really dim……and you could hear shuffling…

Abby: I’m so excited about the houseboat! Except I don’t think I’ll swim cause of sharks.

Oliver: I know! We can fish, catch all the sharks and then swim!

Jonny: Except you’ll probably catch the babies and the mum shark will eat you!

Micky: Or catch all the fish and so the sharks are hungry and then eat you.

Abby: Yeah… I’ll watch.

Jonny: Mum - I’m not perfect.

Mum: I know Honey - you get that from your father.

Jonny: Can I have some chocolate?

Dad: Steal your own!

………………(a while later)……………………

Bethy: Where’s my chocolate?

Dad: Jonny is that Bethy’s chocolate?!

Jonny: You said ‘steal your own’!

Jonny: She was aiming for my head!

Mum: It being the biggest target!

Micky: When mediocre results are required, I’m your man!

Dad: Bethy your friends won’t even notice if you’re not there!

Bethy: Of course they will, there are only 2 of them!

Mum: Oh, sorry to keep you waiting – I put some hand cream on and I couldn’t get out the door!

Mum: Bethany you really do need to stop acting dumb.

Bethy: I’m not acting!!

Mum: (hearing the end of a conversation): Who has 2 right feet??

All: Ben!

Ben: Hey! – Mine are left!

Ben (After singing ‘Give Said the Little Stream’ in FHE): I always thought that song said ‘give said the little string!

Oliver: Me too! I couldn’t figure out why it was running down the hill… or why it was a Primary song.

Micky: Sorry Tam I couldn’t hear you – Abby was talking to me and she’s pretty much impossible to ignore.

Tammy: It's ok, Helen Keller couldn’t ignore her!

Abby: Wow, Oliver! – You knew something I didn’t! Quick, go and write it in a little book!

Oli: Uhm, that book is full.

Bethy: Did we get a heap of new bowls recently?

Abby: Uh…we did but ages ago.

Bethy: Well I’ve been meaning to ask that question for a while.

Mum:  You know that sort of deal - where they end up throwing in everything including your grandmother?
Tammy:  I always wonder where they get those poor women from...

Dad:  It's going to rain this Saturday.
James:  Really?
Dad:  Yep.  Because there's a baby shower.

Oliver:  How do you sing high?
Tammy:  Ahhhh  (high note)
Oliver:  No, I mean, how can I sing high?
Tammy:  You can't, you're a boy.
Oliver:  That's not true!

Ben:  Man, rejection's the best!  We got so much of it on our mini-missions..  I'm going to be set for dating!

Oliver:  I knocked on a door and said that we were from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - and then I got stuck on what to say next..  But that was ok because the door was already shut by then.

Bethy:  Which writing is the English?

Ben:  I'm hot.
Bec: .....  anyway, back to the world of reality...

(Dad, ringing from work)
Mum:  Hello?
(pause, then muffled noises, pause again)
Dad:  (laughing)  Hello!  I just picked up the mouse and put it to my ear!

Mum:  How did driving with Oliver go?
Bec:  Oh, good!  We're going to get hats that say, 'Bunny-Hops-R-Us'!

Beth:  Oh James, I thought you were a twin!
James:  Pfffft, the twins don't look this good!

Ben:  Yeah, but look at my sunburn, it's really bad!
Oliver:  You think you have it bad, mine's swollen!  (pulls up sleeve and flexes bicep)

Jonny:  I hate always being good at everything.
Abby:  I know how you feel.
Jonny:  No you don't .

Tammy:  Do historians know where the site of the actual Babylon was?
Dad:  Yes, where Iran is now.
Jonny:  But do they take into account that it fell?  Cos see I'm thinking it's probably down near Saudi Arabia.

Ben:  Hey Oli, wouldn't it be cool if we got married on the same day?
Oliver:  No, I don't want to have to wait that long!

Ben:  I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to pass my drivers' test
Mum:  Oh, don't think about all that.  Just make sure you get it.

Tammy:  This is weird tasting cheese!  Oh, it's butter.  That'll be it then!

Oliver:  Jessima, we used to be friends.
Jessima:  We're family.  Family aren't friends, family are more than friends.  You're stuck with me for eternity! Unless you don't make it.

Mum:  And her second husband died?
Abby:  Yes, she nursed him to death.

Elder Farnell:  You have to give it to a non-member.
Jessima:  My dad's a non-member.
Elder Farnell: Awesome!

Bethy:  How would you feel if you were a child and your mother was an actress and you saw her wearing...
Mum:  Nothing?
Bethy:  Yes!  And doing...
Mum:  Something?

Abby: Remember that ‘M.A.T.C.H’ game? – you’re gonna live in an attic, drive a skateboard, marry Brad Pitt and have 37½ children!

Oliver: Gee, I’d hate to be the half!

Jonny: What are you talking about - you are the half!!

Tammy:  Oh Bethy, you're from another planet.  That's what I love about you.

Jillina:  Do you still have a mirror in your dining room?
Tammy:  Yes.
Jillina:  Does Abby still sit opposite it?

Jason:  Would that 24hr shop still be open?

(halfway through mum’s FHE activity)

Jonny: Oh! Can we play a game??

Mum: We are playing a game!

Jonny: Oh… I mean… a fun one! 
Mum:  sigh                                                                                                       

___________

Ok, you may not get them all, but to us they are funny -

and that's the point really, that our family enjoys having this!

Bethy put out a second edition a few years later...

We had three more people in the family by then :)

By Sandy Munro